I am giving up your approval for Lent.
To which my husband said, when I told him, "I approve of that."
"Dear, you may support me and hold me accountable, but not approve."
This realization came to me Ash Wednesday night, after I was unexpectedly enlisted to impose ashes at our combined Episcopal/Catholic service.
|not my handiwortk|
I was talking to my husband how this all came about and he declared I was "overthinking" which got me really mad. (So you know he was right.)
And then I asked: did I read the prayers slow enough? Was the silence too short? Too long?
Who IS this crazy person?!?!
And that's when I realized that just when I thought I had the "needing others' approval" thing under control, I don't. It doesn't matter why it's back but let's just call it increased uncertainty.
It's insidious this seeking of approval so this is going to be a tricky one.
Your mishegas is not my mishegas because my own mishegas is enough. (It may be official: I love Yiddish.)
I don't seek your approval by putting this out there either. It's here for accountability purposes only and if anyone else needs to deal with and wants to walk along, you're welcome to let me know.