Leanne Shawler, Artist

I knew for about a week that I needed to paint. To paint out my feelings onto the canvas. This color palette is not my usual color choices, it’s full of oranges and reds which are usually accent colors. The process and my thought process at the time is hard to describe but here are a few things I do remember, while painting out anxiety and anger. I painted my palms in red paint and pressed them again and again on the canvas.  For two weeks (not straight, mainly on weekends and half an hour here or there in the afternoons) I scribbled random marks and dripped alcohol ink, ink and fluid acrylics.  The delicious golden color started bringing a bit more calm. About midway, I saw the profile of a face in the marks and brought that to the forefront. She speaks waterfalls of truth. An initial splash of muted violet became mountains on the horizon and much later the ocean appeared at its feet.  I flung sprays of white paint at it (while listening to “White Women’s Toxic Tears”, Jen Hatm

This art is flawed, imperfect, and doesn’t come near to what I had in my head, and it was my head from a month ago. If it exposes white bias, well, I will accept all noticing with humility, but acknowledging you’re under no obligation to do so. I know I have more work to do. I am learning more to do better. It was the second week of protests when I started this piece and I finished it around June 11. And then I sat on it because we were amplifying melanated voices and it wasn’t my time. I delayed longer because it felt like centering my white voice and this isn’t about me except in how I take action. Also, it’s personal processing. I’d been taking slow steps to learn more about racism (consistently studying it since late November) and then George Floyd and I really woke up along with many many others. I’m an artist, so an art challenge on mermaids and whales spurred me to process what I’ve been absorbing.  Two mermaids, one black, one white. I tried many ways as to how they shoul

[posted on Facebook and Instagram on May 29, 2020 and I wanted to post it here as well.] I finished this painting and wrote the following before the latest witnessing of the deadly evils of racism in this country. There was no mercy, there was no justice, and I thought, how could I post this? So with that heaviness in my heart, I share the following, with the hope that when we remove the chains of racism from white hearts and BIPOC bodies, all of us will experience the relief and release of Divine mercy. May it be. I did not expect mercy to look this way. But as I grew closer to finishing the painting, I realized that mercy was more than I knew. But let me start at the beginning. When the pandemic started gaining ground in the United States, I continued to paint. The first painting I completed was a massive prayer to be saved from COVID-19. To be honest, it began really as a prayer for me and mine to be saved from the virus. But as I wrote my prayers across the canvas, it extend