Leanne Shawler, Artist

The lyrics of one of my favorite praise songs goes: All who are thirsty,  all who are weak,  come to the fountain... And when I've sung this in church as part of the choir, it's felt like a call to me. That I am calling others to bring their thirst to be quenched in the fountain of Living Water that is God. (OK, let me unpack that churchy phrase: water is an essential to life,"Living Water" is the water of baptism, the Holy Spirit, the Presence of God.) Here's a version of it on YouTube (it is longer than usual): The song came to mind again recently (actually, while I was on my blogging sabbatical!)... Why did I think this didn't apply to me? Why only an invitation to others? Why did I think only one mountaintop experience to be sufficient, enough to remember He is with me? All who are thirsty,  all who are weak,  come to the fountain... Am I not thirsty? Am I not weak?  (and if the latest attempts at diet are anything to go by ... The answer is...

It's been a week of highs and lows. The highs were at the beginning and the end of the week, and even in the lows, I was able to be grateful and aware of God's grace, His gifts, and His presence. I think this Joy Dare is just beginning to transform. It's not too late to start if you haven't already. Here is this week's list: 60. the calm of one of the Interfaith Shelter guests 61. standing out of the rain while waiting for the carousel 62. "gently thrilling" - new phrase uncovered while having fun with new friends 63. orange-tinged grey clouds as the sun sets 64. holding hands (Ok, so we're holding churros and not each other's hands in this pic!) 65. bright orange & red sunset 66. clothes finally drying out 67. hot shower for aching body 68. progress made at work and things to think about 69. finding out part of my upcoming trip will be by bus instead of all the way by train 70. a hidden petticoat 71. warmth of sun ...

--- 1 --- I am making my own iced tea. It dawned on me that I didn't need to buy this stuff. I have loads upon loads of tea (loose and in tea bags) so why not use it?  The Mountain Spring Jasmine green tea by Mountain Leaf is just scrumptious. Mentioning it here so I can buy some more once I run through the rest of my insanely huge tea stock. --- 2 --- Came home from chanting Lauds at the cathedral to discover that my husband had packed up the nativity scene. I guess he doesn't read my blog . --- 3 --- Spent Monday and Tuesday at Disneyland and California Adventure. Needless to say, had an absolute blast and went on a ton of rides because it a) rained on Monday and b) it's winter! --- 4 --- I just set up Twitter Feed for my blog so it can push my posts to my Twitter feed and to Facebook auto-magically. This post will be the second one that's pushed, so I want to share the past few posts here in case you missed them because they weren't linked to a...

(This is a repost from my church's blog from a little while ago, edited a little bit to make sense.) You might think that working in a church office is a pretty quiet job. You’d be wrong. Sometimes it feels like I work in Tornado Alley.  One of the shows I got hooked on last year is “Storm Chasers” . There’s something about the way the tornado forms, how these “extreme meteorologists” can predict it and then still end up in its path.  Tornadoes have both tremendous beauty and gut-wrenching destruction. (from Wikimedia Commons ) There are folks who blow through my office who are like that. If it’s an anxiety tornado, then it's contagious and the tornadoes multiply as we react instead of responding. Why are people tornadoes? When losses are felt, change occurs, the anxiety builds into a super-cell and before you know it.... Sometimes it’s a person’s anxiety about non-church stuff, sometimes it’s a person’s brokenness as they seek help, sometimes it comes through extending t...

No pictures this week, or story, just a list... 40. white blossomed tree 41. clean air after the rain 42. visible progress in weeding 43. using homemade compost in the garden for the first time 44. little dirty skunk footprints on off-white patio floor 45. smell of beef stew on entering the house 46. exchanging silly nonsense with my husband 47. warm clothes 48. long shadows 49. clear crisp winter day 50. listening to early morning birds chirp while I'm praying 51. re-connecting with my choir buddy 52. sunrise reflecting off a row of clouds 53. the sidewalk being closed and having to walk the long way around to work -- and uphill! 54. realizing my anger is ego-related 55. gentle rain 56. chanting while the organ pipes are being carried out of the cathedral 57. jasmine green tea (iced and homemade!) 58. chills as we sang the fourth verse of "I Am the Lord of the Dance" 59. finding out who I am mentoring through the confirmation process Am li...

--- 1 --- I didn't do the 7 Takes last week 'cause the week got away from me. And my plan to update the blog post as I went along? Didn't happen. Maybe tracking God's gifts/blessings and finding something brief to write about is a bit much. But hey, we'll see. --- 2 --- Part of my morning practice is to "do" morning prayer. I use the Daily Office from Mission St. Clare currently (I use the iPhone app while catching the bus to work), although I'm sensing it's getting close to time to switch back to using "Lauds and Vespers" (from the Camaldolese monks) because I'm starting to miss chanting... Anywho, last week, one of the psalms set for the morning was Psalm 6. 6  I grow weary because of my groaning; * every night I drench my bed and flood my couch with tears. 7  My eyes are wasted with grief * and worn away because of all my enemies. 8  Depart from me, all evildoers, * for the LORD has heard the sound of my weeping. ...

So the Christmas season is over.... (12 Days of Christmas and all that...) And so is Epiphany and we're into the Ordinary Time before Lent (for those who keep track of the liturgical seasons) ... My Christmas decorations are packed away. The tree is awaiting my husband's assistance to take down this weekend. But the nativity scene? Still up. For some reason, I'm not ready to put this simple display away. It's old and belonged to my husband's family. It's suffered a few chips as they're simple plaster figures ... and Mary is awfully white and blonde ... but every time I look at it, I remember Him. So I think it'll stay up until Lent and then turn my focus toward Jesus' final walk to Jerusalem. I haven't picked out my Lenten study yet. There's a short list (surprisingly short!). And I've just realized: I bought a little nativity figure at the Christkindl Markt in Munich in 2010. What safe place did I put it in? If d...

" Thanks giving  for God’s love always seeks to become thanks- living  – a living and giving of His love" - Ann Voskamp . Today on her blog, she asks us to share a habit that makes things new each day. I've been thinking about that, what I could write, and then last week during Morning Prayer, I discovered that Monday the 9th was the observed day for Julia Chester Emery. [I feel like I need to do a side note here. Julia is part of the Holy Men, Holy Women, that the Episcopal Church recognizes. Getting on this list is rather different than becoming a saint in the Catholic church, although we still share some saints in common (up to the 15th century split, anyway).] Julia Chester Emery, among other things, is known for starting the UTO program in the Episcopal Church. UTO = United Thank Offering. This worked by giving each woman a small box with a slit in the top and encouraging her to drop a small contribution in to it whenever she felt thankful for somethin...

(this was originally posted on my church's blog a couple of weeks ago. I thought that by sharing this story here, you'd get to know a little more about me) When I joined Good Sam , I was a lifelong Christian, an active Christian for good chunks of it, but I hadn’t forgiven myself or allowed God to forgive me for my past actions. So the identity tag of “Christian” felt like a lie to me. Before I joined Good Sam, I was active in another church and could “do” church to a tee: be the sole Sunday School teacher, create and print the Sunday bulletins, the newsletter, serve on vestry, lead the way in inviting the local community to come to church. I was so busy “doing” church that the sum total I experienced in a typical Sunday service was a couple of minutes of communion. In short, I was working my arse off trying to belong, all the while believing that I didn’t. Because I had done some things I was ashamed of. That time in my life wasn’t pretty. Or healthy. It wasn’t until I burnt...

It was more difficult to find gifts this week. By Thursday (gift #26), I was full of post ideas for this blog and one post in particular I struggled with. (It's still not ready to go live.) By Friday evening, I couldn't recount a single gift from that day. Then I sat down and forced myself to look back on the day, and remembered the moments God was with me amongst my day's irritations and frustrations. Here's the list for the week: 16. leaving my appointment with my spiritual director feeling refreshed and energized 17. the salty smell of the sea 18. a toddler on the bus discovering touch: the soft of chenille, the smooth of leather, the cold of metal post, the warmth of mother's skin 19. paying attention to my hubby over a long distance phone call 20. deep breath of early morning blue sky air 21. Fran McKendree 's "The Spirit of the Lord Is Here" running through my head 22. a gift that's sour: skunks in the backyard - walking the d...

So I kind of got started, so in case you were wondering why the change, read on... My goal for this blog is to create the beginnings of a community of those who have either once thought they are not worthy of God, or who still think it.  (And if God isn't your bailiwick, your thing, that's okay too. I hope my story, this new-maybe community, will help regardless.) One way to get the ball rolling is to share my story. My story is about discovering that I am beloved of God after all, no matter how unworthy I feel about that honor because of my past actions. I figure there are others out there who don't think they are worthy of belonging, being loved by God, others who might need to hear this and be heard themselves. (Now if you need help in dealing with whatever is blocking you from feeling worthy, seek professional help: a psychologist, a therapist, or other qualified person. I have not the skills nor the qualifications, and my prayer is for you to be healed not to ha...

Yeah, I know know. I just got started back doing the "Where's God?" journal, but Ann Voskamp has challenged her readers to a Joy Dare , and having almost finished her amazing book (at the time, I've since finished it), I have signed on. Writing down 1,000 gifts from God by December 31st, which is at least three gifts a day. There's not enough room on a page to fit that many ... so I might use the "Where's God?" for pictures, prayers, journaling about this Joy Dare journey. As I mentioned in Friday's post, I usually do 5-7 "Where's God?" moments a week. So this is a big challenge! So, incidentally, is math. I put down in my goals that I wanted to lose 25 lbs. Well, I do, eventually. Plus, I apparently can't do math, or don't remember numbers or something. But I'm supposed to set achievable goals, so the next step for me is to lose 15 lbs. So have revised to achieve! Here is the journal page I was working on when t...

--- 1 --- I've started the 1,000 gifts in a year Joy Dare challenge. Ann Voskamp launched it yesterday. And I signed on. I've already been kinda sorta doing it with my "Where's God?" journal postings, but now I have to start from #1 and so "Where's God?" is going to be on hiatus while I attempt to come up with 3+ gifts God has given me each day. I usually manage about 5-7 a week! Will you be joining in? --- 2 --- For some reason, I want to memorize this dialog. All of it. The funny thing is that when my brother showed me the first episode of the series (which was converted into a movie for American audiences), I was all "meh". Now I find it freakin' hilarious. "Gentlemen, to bed! For we rise at daybreak." He quoted it on Facebook and I couldn't remember much of the dialogue. But to learn the whole thing, including the Billy Connolly impression. That'd be awesome. --- 3 --- 7 Quick Takes is hard. (This ...

Jennifer Fulwiler at Conversion Diary put together a Saints Name Generator and encouraged her readers to choose a saint for 2012. It's a very Catholic thing, but we have saints (and holy men and women) in the Episcopal Church, so I gave it a whirl. Even though I'm a computer science grad and know how these things work.... I am impressed. The result: Blessed John of Parma. (This is St. Francis in Mt. Calvary's garden. I couldn't find a pic of Blessed John of Parma) So he's not a saint yet so he hasn't been assigned a list of what he's a patron of, but reading his biography , he could be a patron of silence (which is one of my 2012 goals!) and of knowing when to say the right words, something that I'm going to need in the coming year as my blog takes a bit of a turn in the hope I can reach the "don't wanna be reached". I look forward to reading more about him and learning from him.

We've moved from Wednesdays to Mondays. I didn't keep this journal while I took a blogging break. I guess I need my few readers to keep me accountable. Here's last week's list: As always, would love to hear how you've noticed God or how you've been affected by God in the past week. Am linking this up to Ann Voskamp's "multitudes on Mondays" (or will as soon as it goes up!)