Church work (along with singing) has always been central to how I express my faith -- for both good and bad reasons.
Good, being that I stepped up to fill a void. Good, in that I truly believe I was making a difference with my work.
Bad, in that I did it to show that I was a good Christian, to prove I was worthy of being called a Christian. Bad, in that I acted out of fear.
Yeah, I have some issues. I have shed or am shedding most of those bad reasons, but I still get tripped up in them sometimes.
I've been told more than once that this will be really hard, to not be drawn back into that old way of being.
But I've promised God to sit at His feet and learn what it is that he has in store for me next, and it wouldn't surprise me that I will discover a few new things about being in relationship with God in the process.
I have to put to one side all speculation on the future, all that I am comfortable with now, all that others hope I will do, and allow God to reveal God's plan.
So for now, it is Sabbath, rest and discernment. And with any luck, I'll actually be patient about it.