"Grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled as to console..."
There is a certain abandonment of self in this, but not total abandonment.
When my father-in-law died, any sorrow I had needed to be put aside so that I could be a comfort and a support to my husband and his family.
I had done much the same a few years prior when his grandfather had died. That had been easier because I'd only visited him once before.
But my father-in-law I'd gotten to know and care for, especially through his last long illness.
So grief was kept at bay until late one night, in bed, in the dark, I cried. There was probably no reason to hold it in for all the time I did but I didn't want my grief to take precedence over my husband's.
Of course I wasn't alone in that night and my husband comforted me, consoled me, as I had consoled him leading up to that moment.
It is important to grieve and even in a shared grief, it important to let the other know that they are not alone.
Through consoling each other, we each can feel a little less helpless and a little less alone.